I love you. Honestly, I do. The last three years with you were amazing. A-mazing. Remember when my brother introduced us? It was love at first sight. You introduced to me to so many new things. Because of you, I’ve shaken hands some of my artistic heroes, found out about obscure comics I’d never heard about and met some new people. Hell, you even got me some awesome shirts. It was a blast.

And that’s what I mean…was.

This is kind of hard to write but here goes: I think we should break up.

Please don’t hate me. Again, I really enjoyed the last 3 years. I was going to say “It’s not you, it’s me” but, well, it is you. New York Comicon, you’ve changed. And I don’t like it.

Back in the day, we used to hang out and actually get along. You were actually all about comics back then. You and me would geek out over all the artists you’d introduce me to. Hell, I wouldn’t even have known about Mousegaurd if it wasn’t for you, and that’s one of my favorite books. And, sure, you had a few weird video game interests, but I could deal with it because you were still mostly about comics.

Things started going bad that second year. You started letting movies and video games take over. We just couldn’t really relate on those things. But, I stuck it out because, well, I knew you. I knew that, at your heart, you loved comics as much as I did. Or I thought you did.

This past year though, you made a drastic change. You started hanging out with anime kids. I don’t have a problem with that. Really, I don’t. But along with your growing interest in video games and movies and other stuff I don’t care about, you forgot what brought us together in the first place: Comics. You kept wanting me to try out the new Intel processor, or play Wii, or look at some new trailer for a movie I don’t care about. Whenever I tried to talk comics, it’s like you didn’t even know they existed. Your mind was so cluttered with other stuff, you didn’t even have any room for them. You shoved them away into a corner.

I loved the New York Comicon that actually cared about comics. I miss that New York Comicon. The new you is strange and frightening and sometimes smells funny.

So, again, please don’t hate me. I really did enjoy our time together but, I think I need someone who understands me better. I hope you understand.

Love always,

-Dan

PS – How much are tickets for next year?

Then they came for The Pink Panther and I did not speak out because I was not a fan…

Then they came for The Karate Kid and I got mildly annoyed, because I was a fan…

Then they came for Total Recall and… DEAR GOD PLEASE NO!!

Noooooo!!!

I tried to doubt it. Hell I only found one site reporting it. And then another. And another. Oh dear god, this is really happening…

Yes, friends, Len Wiseman, auteur of such fine works as “Live Free or Die Hard” and the “Underworld” series, is set to direct a remake of Total Recall (aka the greatest film ever made… possibly).

Yes, you read that right.

For those not in the know, Total Recall is a 1990 film, directed by Paul Verhoeven (Robocop, Starship Troopers) based on a Phillip K. Dick story (We Can Remember It For You Wholesale, 1966). It stars Arnold Schwarzenegger as Douglas Quaid, a man who has dreams of going to Mars. Well, he ends up going to Rekall Inc., a company specializing in completely customizable vacations where all the memories of the trip are implanted into your brain, and decides to take a “vacation” to Mars. That’s when the fun starts. If you haven’t seen it, go now and watch it. If you don’t own it, buy it.

Not only does it hold up really well over time, unlike…say…Running Man, Arnold’s performance is surprisingly convincing, the supporting cast is amazing and the special effects are mind blowing.

All in all, one of my favorite movies.

But, then, here comes Sony Pictures, with the full intent of destroying everything I love I’m sure, who decides to give the property, which is incredibly dense and layered, to a novice director who’s claim to fame is making bad action films. This is insanity.

Don’t go see the remake. Please. Let’s just all make a deal, right now. Let’s just all, from now on, never go see another remake again. It’s not hard. I haven’t seen one in years. You can do it. I believe in you.

Start the reactor.

-Dan

* The title is a pun brought to you by my brother, Gabe Pinto.

The Greenest of Lanterns

Entertainment Weekly published a “First Look” at the new Green Lantern movie this week. Front Page news, no less. More images of the film can be found over at iFanboy.

Now, I’ve never been a huge fan of the character. I like the idea behind him and the Green Lantern Corp however, his history is bogged down in continuity and the amount of different personalities who took over the role are incredibly varied, to the point where fanboys violently hate one or more incarnations. It’s not that I don’t want to like him, it’s that his whole world confuses me.

Enter the Green Lantern movie.

Right off the bat, the costume strike me as odd. As with a lot of comic book movies, designers feel the need to add something extra to the costume design (Bat Nipples anyone?). They forget the simplicity of the original design. In the case with Green Lantern, it’s that strange ribbing on the costume. It almost looks like he’s covered in varicose veins. You’re welcome for that visual, by the way.

That all being said, I am still somewhat optimistic about this movie. Okay, sure, Ryan Reynolds is not great. And the supporting cast is pretty bland, except for Peter Sarsgaard (Just say his name out loud. “Sarsgaard.”). And comic book movies, in general, tend to suck. All that taken into consideration, I’m hoping to be pleasantly surprised, ala Iron Man.  However, I’ll wait until the reviews come out.

<3 – dan

Bomber Jackets never go out of style, right?

So, this new costume is designed by Jim Lee, an artist I tend to like. But, man, do I not like this costume. It feels incredibly 90’s.

The new origin is similarly frustrating. The god’s went back in time 20 years and changed something, causing Wonder Woman to go from a walking swimsuit-clad bondage fantasy to a hip “urban” warrior princess who rebels against the idea of practical shoes.

The writer on this run is Babylon 5 creator and all around good guy, J. Micheal Straczynski, who share’s his thoughts on the redesign and the new origin on DC Comic’s Blog. He takes a small jab at the 60’s era Wonder Woman, where she becomes a super sexy hippie spy. That run is badass. Low blow, Straczynski. Other than that, he seems to have thought this whole thing through and approaches the subject with the respect of a comic fan. Oh, and he drops this gem:

“What woman only wears one outfit for 70 years? What woman doesn’t accessorize?”

Women be shopping! Am I right?