Then they came for The Pink Panther and I did not speak out because I was not a fan…

Then they came for The Karate Kid and I got mildly annoyed, because I was a fan…

Then they came for Total Recall and… DEAR GOD PLEASE NO!!

Noooooo!!!

I tried to doubt it. Hell I only found one site reporting it. And then another. And another. Oh dear god, this is really happening…

Yes, friends, Len Wiseman, auteur of such fine works as “Live Free or Die Hard” and the “Underworld” series, is set to direct a remake of Total Recall (aka the greatest film ever made… possibly).

Yes, you read that right.

For those not in the know, Total Recall is a 1990 film, directed by Paul Verhoeven (Robocop, Starship Troopers) based on a Phillip K. Dick story (We Can Remember It For You Wholesale, 1966). It stars Arnold Schwarzenegger as Douglas Quaid, a man who has dreams of going to Mars. Well, he ends up going to Rekall Inc., a company specializing in completely customizable vacations where all the memories of the trip are implanted into your brain, and decides to take a “vacation” to Mars. That’s when the fun starts. If you haven’t seen it, go now and watch it. If you don’t own it, buy it.

Not only does it hold up really well over time, unlike…say…Running Man, Arnold’s performance is surprisingly convincing, the supporting cast is amazing and the special effects are mind blowing.

All in all, one of my favorite movies.

But, then, here comes Sony Pictures, with the full intent of destroying everything I love I’m sure, who decides to give the property, which is incredibly dense and layered, to a novice director who’s claim to fame is making bad action films. This is insanity.

Don’t go see the remake. Please. Let’s just all make a deal, right now. Let’s just all, from now on, never go see another remake again. It’s not hard. I haven’t seen one in years. You can do it. I believe in you.

Start the reactor.

-Dan

* The title is a pun brought to you by my brother, Gabe Pinto.

David and Erin commiserate after the shared experience of boredom known as The Last Airbender. Listen to this podcast, but don’t see this movie.

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Any movie where you find out the name of the lead female is Ariadne is bound to be good. “Inception” is an action packed and beautiful blend of psychological and physics experiments. Brush up on your Einstein elevator experiments, Mobius strips, Escher drawings, infinity complexes, and more. I wish I took more than Pysch 101 in college because I’m sure there were references I missed. The movie is rife with important nouns: totem, architect, forger, chemist, labyrinth, inception, and limbo. Joseph Campbell probably has a boner in his grave.

The special effects stream flawlessly into the movie, and the story practically flows around them. The casual destruction of a cafe, Fred Astaire inspired anti-grav battles, and creation through infinite mirrors are just a few examples. “Inception” confidently gives the audience a lavish feast of the ideas of it’s own universe. Whether or not you really understand or agree with all the rules is up to you. An old gentlemen sitting next to me was confused about whether or not you die in real life if you die in their dreams and I told him “It depends if they are on drugs or not.” He replied: “Oh, well you can never understand people on drugs.”

The heart of the movie lies in Cobb’s (Leo d Caprio) tortured past. The concept is so romantic, original, and basic that you wish Nolan had actually developed it more. However, I get that this is an action movie and at 2.5 hours there might not be time for a Dostoievski-an look at the implications of a pair of lovers in… well you’ll see. This movie probably requires multiple viewings (altho in this economy I’ll wait till Netflix, or till someone asks me out). You will definitely have a lot to ruminate on and argue with other geeks. Bottom line: Go see this movie if you are a NY Geek. And stay to the end of the credits.

Non… je ne regrette rien…

In honor of Star Wars Day, here’s a sweet LEGO animated recap of the original trilogy.

YouTube – The Fastest and Funniest LEGO Star Wars story ever told.

YouTube – Part 1 of 9 Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones Review, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

Here’s a sweet new fan trailer for the original “TRON” that makes it feel more like a modern movie preview. I approve.

YouTube – TRON 1982 Trailer [Thanks, Mark!]

Being an animator I really feel that the charm of the book would be much better suited to a game or a traditionally animated feature.

If you’re as geeky as we are, you’re already aware of the new TRON film coming out in December 2010. In this bite-size episode, David and Andrew discuss “Tron Legacy” after getting a sneak preview of the IMAX 3D trailer. END OF LINE.

(Warning: Spoilers)

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